Missing That Which I Have Lost

Today I find myself having a rough day. It started out fine...getting stuff for my new desk at work and a few things for a craft project I am doing. As I am working on this, I find myself thinking very strongly about my Nana and my Grandmother who both passed early on this year. I never thought I would lose them both so quickly. I wasn't fully prepared even though I was at peace.

You never can truly prepare yourself for such a thing. Although I knew they were going to a happier place and would see friends and family that they too had lost, I still find it so difficult to cope with. Knowing they will never be around again for me to get advice from, or just a card even. Knowing that I will never see their smiles when everyone is gathered together for the Holidays.

I can't help but sit here, sobbing like there is no tomorrow. Sometimes I feel there isn't. How can there be when they are no longer here? How do you go on? I just want them back...I want to hug them, and kiss them, and tell them that I love them. I stare at their pictures and remember every single happy moment with them and every talk we ever had. I know I wouldn't change a second of any moment that I ever shared with them.

I strive to be a better person, someone they would want me to be and can be proud of. Its extremely hard though, knowing I can't pick up the phone whenever I want to just hear their voice one last time. To hear them say they love me again.

So, today is a tough day for me...

I just can't help but miss them with every single inch of my heart.

To live in hearts we leave behind
Is not to die.
~Thomas Campbell, "Hallowed Ground"

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